Rawr! Here at Content Bash, we believe in universal free health care for everyone, free food, free housing, and universal basic income for all. However! We understand that we live in a post-capitalistic society and in order to keep the proverbial lights on this here website, we run ads and are affiliated with a couple of the biggest conglomerates that dominate the world today. We also can’t help but be fascinated by Shark Tank, the television show on ABC where budding inventors and entrepreneurs pitch their ideas to a panel of millionaires — and one billionaire — in hopes of securing an investment. Sometimes it works out! Sometimes it doesn’t. But the show is almost always interesting and engaging, with tons of insight in how the rich invest their money. And sometimes the products the folks pitch are genuinely good and useful and even essential. Here are a few products that have been Content Bash-tested and approved. You are absolutely encouraged to visit their linked websites and buy directly from them to support small independent businesses, or you can buy them from your favorite online retailer.

Is The Pizza Cupcake any good?

In the Season 12, Episode 13 of Shark Tank, viewers were treated to a presentation of The Pizza Cupcake, which is basically what it sounds like: a bite-sized pizza in cupcake form! We tried them and we can confirm that they are goddam delicious — much better than any bullshit Totino’s pizza rolls or Ore-Ida bagel bites with all the fake-ass processed ingredients. Unlike other frozen pizza-ish brands, The Pizza Cupcake does not use any high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated fats. They don’t use bleached flour or bromated flour, either, and you can certainly taste the difference. In fact, it’s hard to believe this is a frozen product. You’re absolutely encouraged to visit their website and place your own order.

Click on the box to buy The Pizza Cupcake!

Should I buy a Squatty Potty?

Hell yes you should buy a Squatty Potty. On Season 6, Episode 10 of Shark Tank, we learned about how the modern toilet has fucked up our understanding of how human beings should shit. Basically when we were evolving, we learned to squat down when we poop, and it’s much better on our bodies that way. When the toilet came along and we started sitting on them, our posture made us strain to get our poops out. That sort of thing can possibly maybe lead to things like hemorrhoids and/or colon-related issues and other asshole-related problems — so say the Squatty Potty folks — and the Squatty Potty is designed to correct that. We bought our own Squatty Potty and after easy assembly, it was quickly put to use in our bathroom. Using the Squatty Potty takes some getting used to — it’s like a stool you place your feet upon while sitting on the toilet, and it’s intended to give you a more relaxed posture that puts less pressure on your asshole to evacuate shits. And it works! It feels a little funny to sit at first but shitting is a lot less distressing and not nearly as challenging — the shit just kinda drops right out without much effort with like zero straining. Honestly, everyone should have a Squatty Potty in their bathroom, and if you have more than one bathroom, you should buy more than one Squatty Potty. We got the bamboo one because we want to give visitors the impression we’re slightly more classy than we actually are.

Click to buy your own Squatty Potty!

Is that Springer dog water bottle good?

Yeah, we like it! On Season 13, Episode 23, Shark Tank fans saw the presentation of the Springer dog travel water bottle. It’s a really nifty and new take on water bottles for dogs, which as any dog-owner can tell you, are only so efficient and convenient to use when you’re out walking your pup. The Springer dog water bottle is squeezable, and has a bowl for a mouth that contains a leak-tight valve that keeps water from being wasted. When we’re taking our cavapoochon to the local dog park and he’s thirsty, we simply undo the valve, squeeze the bottle so that water squirts up into the bowl-mouth, and he laps up water to his heart’s content. When he is finished, we release and un-squeeze the bottle and the water drains back in. We tighten up the valve and boom, no muss and no fuss. The bottle has all the other BPA-free, dishwasher-safe that you’d expect from quality water bottles by now so our consumer confidence isn’t lacking there. In retrospect, we probably would’ve gotten the Mini 15oz one instead of the Classic 22oz one because of our little one’s small stature, but we’re plenty happy with our Spring dog travel water bottle. And we got the color in lilac because it’s pretty.

Click on the water bottle to buy your own Springer dog travel water bottle!

Does the HiccAway actually work?

It sure seems to! On Season 13, Episode 12 of Shark Tank, the millionaires and Mark Cuban were introduced to HiccAway, a special straw that promises to get rid of your hiccups pretty much instantly. You basically set the cap on the straw for either an adult user or child user and put the HiccAway in a glass of water. Then you drink from the mouthpiece and swallow immediately in like one breath. This has a bit of a learning curve but once you get the hang of doing the sipping and swallowing in like one motion, it can totally get rid of your hiccups. They talked about the science behind their invention in a way I am not smart enough to understand but basically there is a leaf-shaped flap in your throat called the epiglottis — and when the glottis snaps shut, your diaphragm spasms and that’s how the hiccup sound is created. Sipping from the HiccAway straw activates the epiglottis while also generating enough pressure to lower your diaphragm. Stimulating these two things can alleviate the hiccups. Long story short, this thing basically works and every household should have one, just like every house should have a thermometer and at least one roll of toilet paper. And at this price, it’s cheap enough to buy now and make sure you have it around when the hiccup monster inevitably come for you.

Click on the straw to buy your own HiccAway!

Conclusion

For a long-time viewer of Shark Tank, we’ve only bought just a handful of products after being inspired by the show — these four. Who knows what that says about our buying habits and consumer psyche but we’re pretty pleased with all of our Shark Tank purchases so far. As problematic as living in a post-capitalist world is, capitalism can certainly provide ways to help us shit better and get rid of hiccups. Catch Shark Tank on your favorite device and/or streaming platform!

Are you looking for more things to buy? Check out our guide on can openers and 1950s rock-n-roll records and best chess boards!

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