A colorful graphic features the bold text “DARVO EXPLAINED!” in large purple blocks. Below it, the acronym is broken down: “Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender,” followed by smaller green blocks reading “Signs, Examples & How to Respond.” Silhouettes of two red-faced people facing each other suggest conflict. The image visually represents the DARVO tactic often used in abusive or manipulative relationships.

Understanding DARVO: Signs, Examples & How to Respond

October 30, 2025 Daniel

So WTF is DARVO?

You’ve probably come across DARVO while you’ve been on your healing journey, absorbing books and videos and content to help describe all the fucked-up shit you’ve experienced in your childhood that you’re just now sorting through. You’ve also probably also noticed that the term typically comes up when we’re talking about toxic relationships with narcissists and indeed, DARVO is one of the things in their bag of tricks. Let’s talk more about what DARVO is.

While you’re here, be sure to check out on our therapy-related posts like narcissism and love-bombing and enmeshment and gaslighting and trauma bonding and infantilization and children of emotional neglect (CEN).

What Does DARVO Stand For?

DARVO is a psychological defense mechanism often used by abusers when we confront them about their harmful behavior. It’s an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, and it’s one of those things that once you know what it looks like, you’ll start seeing that shit everywhere. It’s a power move disguised as self-defense. It hijacks accountability and weaponizes shame, especially against people who are already vulnerable.

The DARVO cycle typically plays out like this:

Deny! This is when they say, “That never happened! You’re imagining things!”
Attack! After the denial, they’ll say something like, “You’re crazy for thinking that and you’re always twisting my words around!”
Reverse Victim! This is where they attempt to turn the tables and act like they’re the real victim.
Offender! Then they say, “Now look what you’ve done! I’m the one being hurt here!”

If this sounds familiar to you, it’s likely because DARVO is not simply a toxic tactic abusers use to hold their power, but it can occur in family dynamics and in the work place. If you’ve ever called someone out on their bullshit and somehow ended up being framed as the villain in their version of events then congratulations, you’ve seen a DARVO in the wild.

In fact, DARVO is shockingly common. One study in 2024 found that almost 72% of people who confronted their wrongdoer reported that all the parts of DARVO were used in their defense of that wrongdoing.

A stock photo of a shirtless man aggressively points and yells at another man dressed in medieval clothing, perhaps at a renaissance faire. A speech bubble reads: “you’re so sensitive!! i was just joking and now you’re attacking me!!!” The scene illustrates a classic example of DARVO — Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender — a manipulation tactic where the aggressor claims victimhood when confronted. — Image by William Adams from Pixabay

Who Coined the Term DARVO?

The term DARVO was coined by this psychologist, researcher, and educator Dr. Jennifer Freyd, who is the Founder and President of the Center for Institutional Courage and the Professor Emerit of Psychology at the University of Oregon. In her work studying betrayal trauma, she noticed a repeated pattern where abusers would gaslight their victims, and then go on the offensive, and then act like they themselves are the real victims. This repeated pattern ended up being so fucking common that it necessitated inventing a brand-new term to describe it.

DARVO is particularly insidious because it often actually works as intended, particularly by those in powerful positions. It’s designed to confuse the actual victim and silence them, sometimes while also rallying other flying monkeys around the abuser for an extra layer of defense, especially in environments where image matters more than truth. This includes your human resources department at work, in addition to any family members or romantic partners who may try and pull this shit on you.

A woman sits in bed with arms crossed, looking away from her partner who is under the blanket. A speech bubble from the partner reads: “leave me alone! i feel unsafe when you bring up my violent past and if u werent so paranoid i wouldnt have to hide things from u.” This image is an example of DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — where the person deflects blame and paints themselves as the victim when confronted with harmful behavior. — Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Where You Might Encounter DARVO

DARVO is kinda like a shape-shifter, showing up in places where an abuser’s accountability can die an abrupt death.

In families, DARVO can happen when you finally confront your parent or caretaker for emotionally neglecting you, and it often shows up in relationships and families with at least one narcissist. They will not only will they deny that it ever happened, but reframe the situation to paint you as the ungrateful one. They may also start crying about how they were the best parent you could ask for and accuse you of ripping the family apart. Basically, nothing is their fault and everything is your fault.

In romantic relations, DARVO looks like your partner denying and blaming and flipping the script until you’re the one that ends up apologizing for even bringing up your discomfort in the first place.

In the workplace, you might report your manager to human resources for harassment and abuse and when HR writes you up for your so-called attitude problem and frames you as the real troublemaker, that’s DARVO working at work.

If you’re lucky enough to not have a lot of experience being DARVO’d by people in your life, you may have noticed examples of high-profile famous people in the public eye who have been accused of abuse and then turn around and call it a witch hunt while whining about being canceled.

Two people stand side by side with arms crossed, facing away from each other. A speech bubble coming from the person on the right says: “yeah i cheated on u but i only cheated bc u were so emotionally unavailable when my mistress broke it off with me so its yr fault.” This image illustrates DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — by showing how an abuser deflects blame for their actions onto the person they've harmed. — Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

How to Combat DARVO

If you’re being DARVO’d, then you are up against an abuser who is actively trying to rewrite the narrative and cast you as the villain in the story. You will need to hold your ground, and here are actions you can take:

Document everything! Document document document. Keep thorough records, including emails and screenshots of text messages with the timestamp on them. Because DARVO thrives on plausible deniability, the receipts you’ll be holding will empower you.

Do not JADE! This is an acronym for Justify, Argue, Defend, and/or Explain. The more you explain yourself and try to express your point of view, the more ammo you’ll give the abuser to twist your words around into something that you totally did not mean. Anything you give them can be used against you, even things you may have said off-handedly years ago.

Stay grounded! The intention of the abuser using DARVO is to disorient you and question reality. It’s a form of gaslighting, and talking to trusted friends and therapists who can help you reality-check what’s going on. Keep notes of incidents in a journal if you find yourself doubting yourself.

Name it! If you feel bold enough and safe enough and empowered enough, call that shit out. Labeling DARVO for what it is can stop it cold in its tracks. At the very least, it can help you feel more control of the situation. Even just being aware that they’re pulling a DARVO on you can help you disengage and preserve your own sanity.

A retro-style pop art image shows two women arguing. One says, “but boss i cant stay past 6 oclock bc i need to go home and feed my baby dinner.” The boss replies, “omg wow so i guess u just dont care about the success of the company. rude.” A comic-style “WOW!” graphic pops between them. This image illustrates DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — where a manager invalidates a reasonable boundary and shifts blame onto the employee. — Image by Vilius Kukanauskas from Pixabay

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever been DARVO’d, you’re not alone — and you are absolutely not crazy at all. Recognizing the pattern is the first step to breaking it. And if you catch yourself DARVOing, then that’s your cue to check yourself and reflect on your own shit and sit with that discomfort instead of dishing it out to people who don’t deserve that treatment.

In the meantime, check out or lists of recommended books that deal with other mental health topics, like Mental Health is Health Care: 6 Books That Demand Better Systems and 6 Books To Help You Navigate the Healthcare System Without Losing Your Shit and No Contact, New Life: 6 Books for Healing from Narcissistic Family Members and Pay Up or Die! 5 Books That Demonstrate How Fucked-up Healthcare Is and

Cover Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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